They'll Never Know
by LieutenantBoxer
Summary: She screamed, her anger quickly turning to agonizing pain, as she came to the final realization that she couldn’t go on. Future Sawyer Scott one shot. Leyton, Brulian, Naley. Contains self-harm/suicide themes


_**Hush, baby don't cry**_

_**Just get through this night**_

_**Overcome**_

_**Cuz all that you are**_

_**Is broken inside**_

_**But they'll never know**_

_**They'll never know**_

She wasn't perfect; she wasn't smart, she only got C grades; she wasn't beautiful, her long, blonde hair was more of a mousy color and her green eyes didn't stand out like her mother's. She was sickly thin, but that didn't stop the other kids from calling her fat. She was tall, and had tried out for both cheerleading and the girls' basketball team, being rejected too many times to count, though she never stopped trying. She didn't have any friends, because "family didn't count as friends". She tried to be happy, she really did try, but her happy façade could only go so far.

Sawyer Brooke Scott sat on the floor of her conjoined bathroom, her tears flowing heavily to form a puddle on the tiled ground. She wore her favorite track pants, her mom's The Ramones t-shirt and her dad's Keith Scott Body Shop hoody. They were her comfort clothes, they made her feel happy, but today they weren't working. She screamed, anger of her weakness turning to pain as she felt, no, she knew that she couldn't go on. She hated the fact that she let them get to her, everyone, the kids at school, her parents, her brother and sister, Ryan, everyone.

This wasn't the first time Sawyer had felt like this. No, it was almost every second of everyday and this morning was like every other morning.

Sawyer often wished she could block everything out, make it all go away, but as she got older, she knew she couldn't, and the only way to stop the pain was to end it.

_**Don't think that they'll change**_

_**They push you away**_

_**Far from home**_

_**Cuz all that they are**_

_**Is broken inside**_

_**But they'll never know**_

_**They'll never know**_

It was easier to ignore when Sawyer was younger; the constant emotional and physical jabs the kids at school gave her, the unreachable expectations her parents had for her, the ones that both her brother and sister could reach. She always knew she wasn't popular; the only reason she had friends was because her cousins and Aunt Haley felt sorry for her so they used their influence to make other kids her age hang out with her. Sawyer didn't mind though, being alone that was, it at least meant she didn't have to go through the pain she did now.

Sawyer walked down the halls of Tree Hill High, dreading the eminent pain to come that day. She stopped when she saw a group of kids talking and laughing a little further down, ducking into the gym to avoid being seen, but not quite fast enough. She heard them go quite before something was whispered and they all laughed, slowly approaching the gym door to follow her. Sawyer backed away, trying to hide herself under the stands. She saw the main girl, Alexis, pull her boyfriend, Ryan, by the hand towards her, and she covered against the wall.

"Hey, Scott! Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Sawyer heard one of the other guys, Nathan, yell. He was almost 3 years older than the rest of them. He had repeated 3 years and her parents often said he took after his parents whom had been their friends in high school.

Sawyer tried to shrink further against the wall, knowing it was only a few seconds before they found her as they walked slowly towards the stands.

She heard one girl giggle, "How can a fat cow like her fit in here anyway?" The others laughed.

"There's the freak." Courtney, another girl, pointed at her and the others smirked, closing in on her.

"Scott?" Nathan yelled. "Hey, Scott, look at me when I'm talking to you!" He grabbed her arm roughly and she flinched, turning away.

The others formed a circle around her as Nathan turned her around, wrapping his arm around her neck. She froze, disgusted as he licked the side of her face.

Girls shouted taunts at her, "look at the fat cow; whore; slut; tub of lard," anything that came into their minds. One person jumped on her, messing up her hair and spitting in her face before jumping off again but she couldn't see who.

Sawyer lay still for the entire 15 minutes, only moving subconsciously away from the kicks she was receiving to the side, glad that at least the girls couldn't kick hard in stilettos. They continued beating her, until one of the boys, Ryan, spoke up.

"Lay off her, guys." He said, and the others looked at him, shocked; Alexis looked pissed.

"It's not a "she", Ryan. It's a fat, backstabbing, whorish, bitch of a loser."

"Grow up, Alexis." Ryan said, bending down next to Sawyer. He smiled, and offered her his hand.

Alexis scoffed, and stormed off, the others quickly following her after another boy, Adam, said. "You've really done it now, man."

Ryan ignored them, concentrating only on Sawyer. "Sorry about all of that. Are you okay?" He asked, reaching for her hand to help her up.

Sawyer didn't speak, but instead just nodded. He smiled, reaching to wipe the spit off her cheek with his thumb.

Sawyer still remained god smacked, but she spoke. "Why would you do that for me?"

He shrugged. "Alexis is a bitch. Even I know that."

She looked confused. "Why are you with her then?"

He again shrugged. "We've been together forever and our parents are best friends. To be honest, I don't really know life without her."

Ryan led Sawyer from under the stands, placing a hand on her back. They stopped and he turned to face her. "Listen, I've got to get to class. If I flunk calculus again, my parents will kill me." He laughed. "Are you going to be okay?"

Sawyer nodded and Ryan jogged off, turning when he reached the door. "And Sawyer?" She glanced up and made eye contact, surprised he knew her name. "I really am sorry."

Sawyer smirked, maybe today wouldn't be that bad.

_**Don't you cry tonight**_

_**Rest your weary eyes**_

_**Cause all that you are**_

_**Is broken inside**_

_**There's nothing you can change**_

_**Nothing you can hide**_

_**There's nothing you can hide**_

He was perfect, and she was in love. Sawyer lay on the grass, leaning on Ryan whom had his arms around her and was sitting against a tree by the river court. They had been together for nearly a month, growing closer quickly after he had defended her in the gym. Things had gotten better at school as well, Alexis had stopped targeting her for some unknown reason but Sawyer assumed it had to do with the fact that Ryan had broken up with her. For the first time since she had started high school, Sawyer Brooke Scott was happy.

"I love you." The words came out before she could stop them, and she jumped away from him, embarrassed.

He laughed and got up with her, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "I love you too, Sawyer."

She grinned and turned in his arms, standing on her tippy toes to kiss him. He kissed her back passionately, and they slowly made their way back onto the grass. They continued, lips locked, Ryan on top of Sawyer as he reached up under her top to unhook her bra and grope her breast.

Sawyer stopped and pulled back, looking into his eyes. "Here?"

Ryan smiled at her and she melted. "Why not? It's perfect."

Sawyer smiled and began kissing him again, their lips not breaking this time. Ryan climbed on top of Sawyer, taking off his jeans in the progress and throwing them aside. He helped her remove her top, exposing her already loose red and white checkered bra, as she did the same to him, his toned muscular upper torso shining in the dimming sunset light.

Ryan removes Sawyer's own jeans, before she slowly takes off her underwear while Ryan removes her bra, leaving her completely naked and vulnerable. He smiles and kisses her to reassure her. She leans into his touch as he forms a trail of kisses down her neck and over her stomach.

Ryan's trail ends inside Sawyer's thigh, earning an involuntary moan of frustration as she aroused girl becomes inpatient.

He laughs slightly and moves back on top of her, positioning himself as he prepares to enter her. She moves too, accommodating his needs, and leans he leans down to kiss her one more time, before her eyes snap shut and her head snaps back as she feels him enter her.

He grunts as she moans with pleasure, both growing closer to their intended desires.

Sawyer moans his name and bites her lip, trying to hold in the scream that is building inside her as he moves back and forth on top of her, growing closer, stronger, deeper.

Sawyer's back arches as she comes blissfully, her body shaking furiously, both of them covered in a layer of sweat.

Ryan's head fell into Sawyer's shoulder and he smiled against her neck, kissing it, as Sawyer collapsed back onto the picnic mat.

Ryan rolled onto his back and the two lay there, shoulders touching and hands intertwined, until the sound of someone clapping behind them startled them.

Ryan stood up and grabbed his pants off the floor, putting on his boxers before he put on his jeans. Sawyer reached for his top to cover herself but he ripped it from her arms.

"Ryan?" He didn't look at her and continued to dress himself.

When he was dressed he turned and spoke towards a group of trees. "You can come out now."

Alexis walked out first, clapping, followed by the others, Nathan and a few girls laughing though most just smirking.

Ryan went over to her and took her in his arms, leaving Sawyer speechless.

Her eyes began to water as Nathan played back his video camera, and she began to hear herself panting and grunting from only seconds ago.

"See." Alexis said, "You really are a slut." She laughed. "You really thought he would be into you? You're dirt." She spat in Sawyer's face, receiving a whimper from Sawyer whom had now attempted to cover herself in her clothes.

"Ryan." Sawyer cried.

Ryan looked up from kissing Alexis' neck and smirked. "Sorry, Scott. But what can I say? You're really not that good of a lay."

Sawyer shrunk back into the tree, hugging her knees close to her chest and covering her bare legs with her Aunt Brooke's jumper. Brooke had leant it to her for her date this afternoon as her mom and Aunts Brooke and Haley had helped her get ready.

Nathan walked forward and kicked dirt at Sawyer, covering her tear-streaked face and body. He threw a dirt-rock at her and it burst on impact with her head, messing up her freshly curled hair and covering it in dirt.

They walked off laughing and Sawyer sat there crying for the next few hours.

When she finally arrived home, Peyton was pacing by the door, Brooke, Rachel and Haley sitting on the couch, Brooke and Haley both on the phone, Rachel trying to assure Peyton and all looking worried. Peyton was biting her nails, something she never did and Anna and Davis were sitting on the stairs, hiding behind the railing.

Sawyer opened the door and stepped into the dark foyer, not exposing herself in view but the front door closing announcing she was home. She looked at the hallway clock, noticing it was just after 2am, but not really caring.

She stayed in the dark while Peyton and the others rushed into the hallway, Haley telling her brother and sister to go upstairs to bed.

"Sawyer Brooke Scott! Where the hell have you been?! Your father and uncles have been out looking for you for hours! I've been worried sick!" Peyton shouted and Sawyer knew she was in trouble if her mom was middle-naming her.

Sawyer shrugged and walked out of the shadows, beginning to climb the stairs to her room and frowning at the pain it took to walk. She knew your first time often hurt a little but she didn't expect anything like the pain she felt now. She looked down at her pants and saw she was bleeding between her legs.

"Sawyer!" Haley gasped and her and Brooke rushed forward as the exhausted teenager made her way up the stairs.

She looked horrible. Her body, face and clothes were covered in dirt. Her face was paler than usual and her face had lines of dried tears mixed with supposedly water-proof mascara. Her eyes were bright red, a sign she had been crying for hours and she held her Aunt Rachel's heels in her hand instead of wearing them. Her Aunt Brooke's sweater was buttoned oddly and she made delicate movements, as if every step hurt.

Sawyer made her way into her bedroom and threw Rachel's heels on the bed, ignoring the concerned voices following her. She went into her bathroom ensuite and slammed the door closed behind her, locking it and shrinking down against it, placing her head in her hands and crying as she lay on the floor, curled up and trying to get rid of the pain she felt, both emotional and physical.

She heard knocking at the door and tried to block it out, but it didn't go away. Sawyer got up, washed her face and unlocked the door before walking into her walk-in closet and grabbing some clothes.

She grabbed her grey trackpants out of the cupboard and ugg boots off of the floor, before brushing past her mom and Aunts and going into her parents room. She went through her mom's draw first, taking out on of her old band t-shirts, before going through her dad's draw and pulling out his old hoody.

Sawyer ignored her parents and bit her lip, trying not to start crying again as she crawled under the covers of her parents bed and curled up again.

Peyton and the others were speechless. Their anger had disappeared and had been replaced with worry as they heard Anna and Davis by the door.

"Mommy?" Davis asked.

When Peyton didn't look up from Sawyer, Anna spoke up. "Mom?"

Peyton turned to them, chewing the inside of her lip with her arms crossed across her stomach. She walked towards the door and bent down in front of the 12 and 7 year olds. "You guys should be asleep." She whispered.

"Is Sawyer okay?" Anna asked.

"Yeah, baby, she's fine. Just go back to bed."

"I want to sleep in your bed." Davis said.

"Not tonight, Davy. Come on, I'll come and tuck you in." Peyton said, standing.

"I'll take them." Haley said, walking forward and taking Davis' hand.

"Let's go guys, back to bed." She said, walking them out of the room.

"Aunt Rachel?" Anna said, holding her hand out to her favorite aunt. Rachel had come back to live with Brooke shortly after Peyton had had Sawyer. She had apologized, and paid back the money in full, but what pleased Brooke the most was that she was completely clean. Brooke had soon married Julian and Rachel had reconnected with Chase at their wedding, getting married only months later. Anna loved Rachel, much like Davis loved Haley and Sawyer loved Brooke, not that they didn't love them all.

Rachel took her hand and Anna led her back to her room, closing her bedroom door behind her.

"Good night mommy, night Aunt Brooke, night Sawyer" Davis said from down the hallway.

"Goodnight, baby." Peyton responded.

"Night, Davy."

Peyton and Brooke slowly approached the bed, sitting on either side of Sawyer.

"Sawyer? Honey, can you look at me?" Brooke asked.

Sawyer did as she was told.

"Can you tell your mom and I why you were so late tonight? Can you tell us what happened?" She asked again.

This time, all Brooke received was a shrug.

"Sawyer, could you please answer me?"

Again, a shrug as she closed her eyes, exhausted.

"Sawyer, we need to know what happened tonight. How come you didn't come home for curfew? Do you have any idea how worried we were?" Peyton said.

Sawyer just lay there, appearing to not care.

"Sawyer, if you can't tell us why you were so late, then I'm going to have to talk to dad and figure out your punishment."

Sawyer frowned and bit her lip again but kept her eyes closed tight.

"Okay then. Until you tell me or your father or Brooke or someone else why you were so late tonight, you're grounded. No going out, no phone, no internet."

Sawyer didn't move so Peyton left the room.

"Sweetheart, do you want to tell me what's going on? You never act like this. You're always so responsible, and now you're lying in your parents' bed. That's not like you, Sawyer. Do you want to talk about it?" Brooke prodded.

Sawyer shrugged and shook her head.

Brooke sighed, "Okay. But you're going to need to talk soon."

She bent down and placed a kiss on her niece's forehead. "We love you, Sawyer. It may not seem like it now, but we love you so much."

Sawyer half-sobbed and nodded as Brooke left the room, closing the door and turning off the light behind her.

_**Don't you cry tonight**_

_**Rest your weary eyes**_

_**Cuz all that you are**_

_**Is broken inside**_

_**It's nothing you could change**_

_**It's nothing you could hide**_

_**It's nothing you could hide**_

The messages were there, they were always there. If it wasn't facebook or myspace, it was emails or instant messaging or texts or phone calls. There was even a website dedicated to hating on her, and one time when her parents were away and her brother and sister were staying with her Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan for the weekend, she had woken up to her house trashed, bags of garbage split open and spread over her front lawn, her door spray painted with "slut" in bright red, toilet paper covering the trees and garden, and eggs, a variety of fruit and balls thrown though and around every window. It had taken her the rest of the day and her entire savings account to get everything fixed before her parents got home.

But she had, of course, because she was responsible and the eldest and her parents never saw past her façade. She was Sawyer Brooke Scott, and she was her parents "munchkin". Her mom hadn't wanted her to grow up known as a "princess" so had she made Lucas choose a different pet name. Of course, when Anna had come along, "princess" described her perfectly and Peyton made no arguments.

Sawyer and Anna had been so close when they were younger, but as they grew older the differences between them became clearer and Anna was made to choose, popularity or her sister. Anna chose popularity.

_**Pink flowers and bows**_

_**That's all you should know**_

_**And summer days**_

_**Cuz all that you are**_

_**Is beautiful child**_

_**But they'll never know**_

_**They'll never know**_

Sawyer's grades had never been truly awful until she started high school. She struggled, but still tried and this didn't go unnoticed by her parents and teachers. This time, however, Sawyer knew it would be different. She had never before gotten an end of year grade card as bad as this one was; four D's and two C's, not to mention teacher's comments to match those grades. Sawyer was screwed, and she knew it.

She gave a frustrated cry as she walked the 15 minute walk home. Her dad and Davis had basketball practice and Peyton was taking Anna to the dentist so she had at least an hour to herself.

Sawyer walked up to her front door, unlocked it and walked inside. She turned off the alarm and walked straight into the kitchen, grabbing a diet coke from the fridge, before heading upstairs to her room.

She threw her bag down inside her closet, grabbed her iPod and drawing pad and pens from her desk and climbed onto her bed. She loved to draw, she was amazing drawer, but she would never let her parents know that. It was better that they thought they had one messed up kid and the other two were perfect.

She never thought about what she was going to draw, she just drew what came to her mind, and lately that wasn't the most pleasant things. Most of her pictures lately didn't make sense; she had drawn dark wells, black holes, crosses and one time she had even just colored a few pages of her drawing book black.

Sawyer put her book down next to her and scrolled through her iPod classic. It was her latest birthday present and the only thing that kept Sawyer sane.

Sawyer grumbled as she heard the door open and voices travel upstairs.

"Sawyer?" Peyton called.

She got off the bed, not finding the energy to call back, and slowly trudged downstairs.

"Hi, munchkin." Lucas said, putting his arm around his eldest daughter and kissing her head as they slowly walked into the kitchen, following the others.

Anna was telling Peyton about her day, both her and Davis sitting on stools by the island, as Peyton packed away the groceries.

Anna finished speaking and Peyton looked up and smiled. "Hi, baby. How was your last day?"

Sawyer forced a small smile and shrugged. "Okay."

"Just okay?" Peyton frowned.

Sawyer shrugged in response and Peyton and Lucas looked at each other.

"You guys hungry?" Lucas asked, walking over to help Peyton and ruffled Davis' hair on the way.

"Very." Davis exclaimed, sighing loudly.

"Sort of." Anna said, at the same time.

"Well do you want to have something small to eat now before we go over to Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan's or do you want to wait till then?"

"Something now." Davis jumped up and went over to the cupboard. He grabbed a packet of chips and turned to his parents, smiling innocently. "Chips?" He asked.

"Carrot sticks." Peyton responded, smiling but not looking up.

Davis sighed, and went back to looking in the cupboard. "Granola bar?"

"Cereal." Lucas bargained, and Davis agreed.

"Fine."

"Do you girls want anything?" Lucas asked, looking at them.

"No thanks. I'll wait until Aunt Haley's." Anna replied, and began flipping through her latest magazine Peyton had just bought for her.

"Sawyer?" He asked.

"Huh?" She asked, looking up from the wooden island.

Lucas laughed. "I said did you want something to eat before we go to Haley and Nathan's for dinner?"

"No, thanks." Sawyer mumbled, walking out of the room. "I'm gonna go change."

Sawyer walked back into her room, closed the door and pulled a black and white box from under her bed. She opened it and looked inside. There wasn't much; a razor blade, a bottle of aspirin, a few Diazepam and Zoloft she had taken from Nathan when he hurt his shoulder earlier in the year, a bottle of vodka, a few letters and a list of possible dates and times. She picked up her report card off of the bed and placed it in the box after taking out the vodka, pills and list. Sawyer grabbed a pen from her bedside table and crossed off one of the dates on the list, that particular day's date.

She looked at the full envelopes and made sure she had enough before tying a rubber band around them and placing them on her bed besides the alcohol and pills. She had written these letters time and time again, the first time after everything with Ryan but never changing much. There was one for her parents together, one for her brother and one for her sister. One for her Aunt Brooke, one for her Aunt Haley and one for her Aunt Rachel, each with little inserts directed to their families. There was one for her Grandma Karen, and there was one for her Grandpa Whitey. Each basically said the same thing, "I'm sorry. I love you."

Of course she had her reasons, but she knew no one would ever understand them. So she wrote another three letters to explain them, one for her Grandma Anna, one for her Grandpa Larry and one for her Uncle Keith, placing each on their tombstones during lunch break. She did write one other, however, it was entitled "School" and said two words inside, "You win."

Sawyer hadn't exactly planned that tonight would be "The Night" before today, but she had had all the things she needed long before and had decided sometime during today that tonight was it. She chose pills as she was walking home, on the sole basis that she felt she was too tired to cut both wrists and didn't want to be caught out with a half finished job. She figured at least this way, she would already be drinking a little with the adults and it would be less obvious as she became tired and dizzy. She would excuse herself from the table quickly after dinner and make her way upstairs, claiming the food hadn't sat well in her stomach. She would go into the guest bathroom, swallow the pills and drink as much of the vodka as she could. And there she would fall asleep, not to ever wake up.

Sawyer smiled to herself as she changed her clothes. She put on her skinny leg jeans, threw on a dressy top and grabbed a black jacket from the cupboard to go over it. She brushed her hair and braided it tightly in pigtails before she grabbed a pair of black heeled boots from the cupboard and put them on. She finished off her outfit by grabbing the biggest white purse she had, emptying everything out of it before filling it again with the bottle, letters and pills.

Sawyer heard her mom calling her from downstairs and shouted back, "Coming!"

She grabbed her iPod off her bed, put the box and her drawing book back where it came from. She giggled, delirious from the excitement, and made her way down stairs to meet her family.

"You look beautiful, darling." Lucas said and Sawyer grinned back at him.

Sawyer walked over to him and reached up, kissing his cheek and whispering, "I love you, daddy."

Lucas looked at her surprised, as Sawyer had never been one to express her feelings, but ecstatic. "I love you too, munchkin."

Sawyer smiled at him, put in her iPod earphones and walked out to the car, climbing into the backseat next to Davis.

Lucas followed shortly with Peyton and Anna behind him. The family drove the short distance to Haley and Nathan's house and were greeted by an excited group of girls, Lucy Scott, Chloe Davis-Baker and Heather Adams. Anna jumped out of the car as soon as they were parked and the four pre-teens ran inside together. Davis jumped out next, running to join his cousins, Noah Davis-Baker and twins, Riley Adams and Callum Adams, out the back playing basketball with Nathan. Peyton, Lucas and Sawyer walked into the house together, Sawyer keeping her bag protected under her arm.

"I'll be back in a sec. I just have to go to the bathroom." Sawyer told her parents before rushing upstairs. She put her bag in the guest bedroom, hiding it in the closet so know one would find it before heading downstairs to join her family.

She walked into the kitchen and was greeted with a group of smiling faces. Haley was cooking with the help of Peyton and Sam, and Brooke, Rachel were seated at the table, Brooke holding the newest of the "family", Katherine Jacqueline Adams, while Lucas, Julian, Nathan and Chase were outside with the boys. Jamie was the only one whom wasn't there, opting to stay at his college campus to finish his finals unlike Sam whom had taken time off work to fly in from LA.

"Hey mini-Peyton." Sam smiled as Sawyer came into full view in the kitchen.

Sawyer smiled at everyone. "Hey."

Haley came over and hugged her first. "Hi honey." She said. She put an arm around Sawyer's shoulder so they were turned and looking at the others. "Now, you've got a choice. You can help your mom and Sam and I with dinner, or you can sit on your lazy ass like Brooke and Rachel."

Sawyer laughed. "Well as much as I _love_ cooking, I'm just about as good as mom is so I think I'll sit this one out. You know, for the greater good and all."

Haley laughed and walked back over to finish the vegetables as Sawyer gave her other aunts each a hug and leant against the table.

"Sawyer Brooke, your Aunt Rach and I were just arguing-"

"What else is new?" Sam interrupted, teasing her mom.

Brooke stuck her tounge out at her adult daughter and turned back to Sawyer. "As I was saying, we were just _discussing_," She emphasized, glaring at Sam, "who's aged the best- Brad Pitt or George Clooney?"

Sawyer laughed. "So a real in depth conversation I see."

Peyton, Sam and Haley laughed and Rachel snorted while Brooke looked annoyed. "It is. You can't honestly say that Brad Pitt has aged well. George Clooney, on the other hand, is still as hot today as he was ten years ago." She argued.

"Well I'm with you, Mom." Sam said. "But only because Brad Pitt's an idiot."

"I afraid I'm going to have to side with you, Rach." Peyton laughed. "I'd take Brad Pitt over George Clooney any day."

"P. Scott! You're meant to be my best friend meaning you're meant to back me up no matter what!" Brooke huffed.

Peyton just laughed. "Not when you're wrong."

The others laughed as Brooke grunted. "Haley?" She asked.

Haley held her hands up. "I'm Switzerland. I'm not getting involved." She laughed.

Brooke turned to Sawyer. "Sawyer Brooke, god child and name-inheritor of mine, fruit of my best friend's womb, favorite niece, who do you think has aged best, George Clooney or Brad Pitt?"

Sawyer thought about it for a second. She shrugged. "Both?"

"Ha!" Brooke shouted, pointing at Rachel. "Wait." She turned back to Sawyer. "You're meant to choose George."

"To be honest, I could really care less." Sawyer laughed. "I don't really like either of them."

Brooke handed Katherine off to her mother and sat down in front of Sawyer, placing her hands on Sawyer's knees. "Sawyer Brooke Scott, I need you to listen to me very carefully. It is not possible for a female, or anyone for that matter, to dislike both George Clooney and Brad Pitt."

Sawyer laughed, "Hate to disappoint you, Aunt Brooke." She stood up and went to stand next to Haley, helping her with the vegetables.

They finished quickly and called the boys inside and the girls from upstairs. Luckily for everyone, Haley and Nathan had invested in a large dining room table a few years ago that managed to just seat everyone.

They ate quickly, pointless conversation flowing over the table, and Sawyer grew more excited as more plates were cleared. She could barely sit still as desert came, and scoffed it down quickly.

"May I be excused?" Sawyer asked, looking at her parents.

"You don't want seconds?" Sawyer shook her head. "Sure, munchkin."

Sawyer stood up quickly, earning a glance from Sam beside her. She hurried into the kitchen and put her plate and glass in the dishwasher before running upstairs.

Sawyer had been right. She did drink with the adults over dinner; two full glasses of red wine before her dad said she'd had enough.

She ran into the guest room, closing to door behind her and going over to the closet cautiously. She opened it and took out her bag, laying the items inside on the bed.

Her hands shook as she took off the lid of the bottle, placing it on the bedside table, before she opened the pill bottle and poured the entire bottle into hand. She was startled by a knock at the door, causing her to drop the pills, letting them crash to the floor.

"Sawyer?" She heard someone call, turning the door knob.

"Hold on!" Sawyer tried to call but the door opened before she could answer.

"Hey do you want-" Sam was cut short once she saw the pills on the floor. Her eyes drifted over to the bed and she stormed over, picking up the empty bottle.

She held it up to Sawyer. "What the hell is this?" Sam demanded a little more harshly than intended.

"Nothing." Sawyer replied, fidgeting, and trying to stand in front of the bottle of vodka, blocking it from Sam's view.

"Nothing? Right. A bottle of aspirin and god knows what other pills are nothing?" She dropped the bottle onto the bed, reached over and snatched up the letters before Sawyer had the chance. She flipped through them, taking in the names on the front and Sawyer's shaking. "Are these suicide letters?" She asked quietly, shocked.

Sawyer shrugged as tears sprung to her eyes.

Sam dropped them on the floor and ran a shaky hand threw her dark hair. "Jesus, Sawyer…" She trailed off.

Sawyer turned away, ashamed, and Sam sat on the edge of the bed. "Why?" She asked suddenly.

Sawyer shrugged again.

"No. I need a real answer. Why, Sawyer?"

Sawyer shrugged but tried to answer, her voice shaking. "I don't know."

Sam sighed, shakily, and ran her hand over her hair again. She reached out and grabbed Sawyer's arm, pulling her down next to her.

They stayed silent for a moment before Sam spoke again. "I'm going to need to tell your parents. Your mom at least."

Sawyer shook her head furiously, and looked at her with pleading eyes. "No, please. They can't know. Please, Sam. They'll kill me."

"Well from the looks of things you were trying to do that already." She said harshly.

Sawyer looked away and Sam sighed. "I'm sorry." Sam whispered, leaning on her knees with her elbows and placing her head in her hands.

"Please don't tell my parents." Sawyer cried.

"I'm sorry, Sawyer, but I can't do that. I have a duty of care, so legally I need to make sure you're protected, but they also deserve to know anyway. They would have found out tonight anyway."

"No. Legally, you don't. I didn't actually say anything and even if I had, you're not my teacher or anyone with the legal obligation to protect me." Sawyer stood up and folded her arms across her chest trying to defend herself.

"If I suspect you're in danger, I have to tell someone." Sam replied, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"But I'm not in danger!" Sawyer almost shouted.

Sam stood up quickly and bent down, grabbing the bottle off the ground before standing up again. "Oh? You're not in danger? Get real, Sawyer. You have a full bottle of aspirin and a bottle of vodka. What did you think was going to happen? You would just sleep it off?"

"No." Sawyer answered, ashamed. "You don't understand. You never could."

"Right, how could I understand pain?" Sam glared at the teenager, though she wasn't angry, just worried.

"I'm not talking about this with you." She took the bottle from Sam, bent down and started putting the pills back in the bottle before putting the lid back on the bottle of vodka. She picked up her letters and put everything back into her bag, hugging it close to her and walking out of the room.

Sawyer quickly threw her bag in study, hiding it under the desk, before walking down the stairs. She went back into the kitchen and was happy to see her mom and aunts still there, no Sam in sight.

"Hey, Sawyer. We were wondering where you got to. Did Sam find you?" Peyton asked, walking over to the table to place cups of coffee in front of Brooke, Rachel and Haley before sitting down and drinking her own.

Sawyer shook her head.

"Oh, well do you want anything to drink or eat?"

Sawyer giggled nervously and took a seat next to Rachel. "I think Aunt Haley fed me enough for the next year."

The others smiled and Sawyer spoke again, hoping to change the subject off of herself. "So, what were we talking about?" She said, leaning on the table.

"We were just discussing the possibility of another holiday. Karen and Andy are pretty keen for all of us to come and visit them in New Zealand." Haley smiled.

"Really?" Sawyer asked, cheering up a little. "That's sounds awesome."

Sam walked into the room and Sawyer immediately grew nervous. Sam walked over to Peyton and bent down besides her, talking quietly. "Peyton, could I speak with you for a minute?"

Peyton looked confused, as did the other adults, but agreed. "Sure." She said, standing up and following Sam out of the room.

As the minutes passed, Sawyer grew more and more nervous. By the time Peyton and Sam came back into the room, Lucas was with them and it had been over an hour.

Lucas turned to Peyton, speaking softly. "I'll keep an eye on her, you get the kids?"

Peyton nodded and it was only then Sawyer saw her bag and Peyton's tear stained eyes. Peyton went off to find the kids, but not before summoning Brooke, Haley and Rachel into the kitchen. Lucas went over and sat by Sawyer, not saying a word but putting a hand on her shoulder.

Sam left too, handing a note to Sawyer on her way out. Sawyer opened it, more angry than she thought possible at Sam.

_Sawyer_

_I know you're mad and you have every right to be,_

_I'm sorry but your parents needed to know_

_I'm here for you if you ever want to talk_

_I love you, kid_

_Xx Sam_

Sawyer scrunched the note in her hand and put it into her back pocket. She looked up as her aunts walked back into the room, clearly shocked and all looking at her expectantly, but none knowing what to say.

Sawyer felt like crying as her mom walked back into the room, Anna and Davis complaining behind her. Davis began to cry as Peyton close to shouted at him that it was time to go and he ran over to Haley whom collected him in her arms and carried him out to the car. Anna glared at Sawyer, angry, before folding her arms over her chest and following her aunt and brother.

"Sawyer, let's go." Sawyer stood up and did as her mom said, neither of her parents drifting more than three feet away from her side.

She said goodbye to her aunts and uncles, her aunts each hugging her longer than usual and all reminding her they loved her and were there if she needed to talk.

Sawyer climbed into the car without a word, putting in her earphones and blasting her music as loud as it would go. She leaned her head against her side of the car and looked out the window.

Peyton and Lucas climbed into the car as well, Lucas driving as Peyton nervously ran her hand threw her hair repeatedly.

The drive home seemed to take longer than usual but Sawyer wouldn't have cared if it took forever. It was only ten o'clock as they walked through the doors and despite it being a special night, Peyton and Lucas sent Anna and Davis to bed, none the less.

Anna glared at Sawyer again; bumping her with her shoulder as she walked passed whispering, "You always ruin everything. I hate you."

Davis too glared at Sawyer, stomping on her foot as he passed her. Sawyer didn't care through, the pain not bothering her, and she began to follow her siblings up the stairs.

Lucas sighed. "Sawyer, stay down here please."

Sawyer continued looking ahead and sighed. "I'm tired. I want to go to bed."

Peyton ran a shaky hand through her hair, her eyes watering again. "Please don't argue with us, Sawyer. Just come into the longue room."

Sawyer slowly followed her parents, not letting them see how angry she was. She just had to convince them she was fine and she could go upstairs and finish the job.

Sawyer sat on the couch opposite her parents whom looked at her expectantly. She smiled slightly, but the smile disappeared as soon as Peyton opened her bag, placing the items inside on the coffee table.

Peyton put her hand on her chin and looked at Lucas, trying to draw strength from his gaze. "Do you want to explain this, Sawyer?" Lucas asked.

"What's to explain?" She retaliated. "Isn't it obvious?" Sawyer folded her arms over her chest, angry, and found it close to impossible to stay mad when her mom began to cry.

"Why, Sawyer?" Peyton's voice was laced with tears.

Sawyer shrugged. "Just because."

"Because why, Sawyer?" Lucas ran a hand over his face. "This is ridiculous."

"I can't explain it to you." Sawyer whispered and her parents struggled to hear.

"Well who can you explain it to because this is really scary for us, honey." Peyton said softly.

Sawyer shrugged. "I don't want to explain it to anyone. No one would understand."

"Try us, Sawyer."

Again, Sawyer shrugged. She shook her head no.

"Sawyer, please. Just help us to try and understand."

When Sawyer didn't say anything, Peyton continued for Lucas. "Do you think we'd be mad? Because we wouldn't. We just want you to talk to us, baby, and to be happy and healthy. That's all we've ever wanted for you and Anna and Davy."

Sawyer turned her head to stop her parents' from seeing her tears. Lucas reached over and turned her head back so she was once again looking at them. "Sawyer, we love you more than anything. Do you know that?"

Sawyer nodded, crying now. "And if something is hurting you this much, so you would want to end your life" Lucas' voice broke as he said "end your life", "then we want to do everything in our power to fix it. You're our little girl, Sawyer. And we love you so much." Lucas began to cry and Sawyer felt more guilty than ever as she watched her parents' hearts break.

She felt guilty, sure, but more than that it hurt her more, and all she wanted to do was sleep. Just sleep.

"I promise I'll talk to someone." Sawyer said suddenly. "To whoever you want me to. But I'm really tired now. Can I please just go to bed?"

Both Lucas and Peyton looked up at their daughter, Lucas speaking. "Are you just tired or did you take anything to make you tired?" He asked.

"I didn't take anything, I swear." At least one thing she said was true tonight. "I'm just tired."

Peyton took Sawyer's hands in her own and Sawyer looked away from her mom, awkwardly. "I'd really like for you to sleep in our bed tonight, baby."

"Mom," Sawyer said, pulling her hands away and standing up. "I'll be fine. Really. You don't need to keep an eye on me."

Peyton and Lucas looked at each other, hesitantly. "We'd still like too, Sawyer. At least for tonight." Lucas spoke.

Sawyer gave in after another five minutes of her parents' insisting. "Fine." She stood up. "You can talk about me first though, you're bound to anyway. I'm going to go have a shower and I'll come into your room after."

Sawyer went to grab her bag and start putting her items in before her dad lay a hand on hers. "Leave them here please, honey."

Sawyer let go of the bag, pulling her hand away from her dad and storming quickly upstairs. She heard her parents begin talking but couldn't care less.

Sawyer stormed into her room, happy to have a back up plan. She grabbed the box from under her bed, snatching up the razor, before putting the box back again. She pulled her iPod out from her back pocket, put on shuffle and preceded into her bathroom with a change of clothes.

She turned on the tap, got undressed and put her iPod on her speakers before climbing into the close to boiling water.

Sawyer liked it hot, it felt good to feel pain rather than numbness all of the time. That was why she cut herself, so that she could feel something. It wasn't because she did it for attention, or because she was "emo", she just wanted to feel something.

It was times like these that Sawyer was happy to have both a shower and bath tub in one. She sat in her bath, the water rising fast, and the music blasting loudly as she proceeded to make small cuts along the already existing ones on her arms, legs and stomach. She didn't need to worry about people noticing them, no one cared enough to look closely.

Sawyer looked like a checkerboard; she cut lines and words, often crossing the two. Sawyer shakily brought the razor up to her left wrist, pressing as hard as she could before she moved the blade in one swift motion down her arm, starting from the bottom of her palm and ending about thirty centimeters later. She could feel everything; the blade cutting through her skin and bursting through her vein; and she loved it.

Sawyer started to cry, a mixture of emotions following through her, but the most significant being the sudden rush of emotional pain being released. She was sobbing hysterically now, watching as the blood dripped into the water from its position on the bath tub ledge, and curling the rest of her body up as if to shield herself from the world she could feel herself leaving from.

Sawyer started coughing, finding it hard to breathe as the breath escaped her body and the blood loss increased. She could feel herself fading and could see her skin growing paler by the second. Sawyer's eyes drifted closed as she watched the blood continue to pour into the now red water, and she couldn't find the will or need to keep them open. Her face had no expression as she lost consciousness, her heart slowing before finally coming to a stop.

_**So don't you cry tonight**_

_**Rest your precious eyes**_

_**Cuz all that you are**_

_**Is beautiful child**_

_**It's nothing they could change**_

_**It's nothing you could hide**_

_**It's nothing you should hide**_

Peyton walked quickly up the stairs towards her daughter's room. She and Lucas had agreed they would watch her tonight and deal with everything tomorrow, after they had all had a little time to digest things. She walked into Sawyer's room, knocking on the bathroom door, before pushing it open slightly. "Honey, can I come in?"

When Sawyer didn't answer, Peyton walked in.

"Lucas!"

Lucas dropped the glass he was washing, smashing it in the process. He flung the dishcloth on the island as he raced upstairs, shaking with fear.

Lucas sprinted down the upstairs hallway, passing his terrified younger children whom were huddled by Anna's door.

He ran into Sawyer's room, coming to an instant stop, his face paling, as he saw Peyton trying to lift a white and bleeding Sawyer out of her bathtub.

Peyton looked up at him, tears streaming down her face and Sawyer half balanced on her body, her hand around her daughter's wrist.

"Lucas! Help me!" She screamed and Lucas rushed into action.

Lucas easily picked his daughter, placing her on the ground as Peyton raced into Sawyer's room to get her phone. She handed it to Anna whom was now standing in front of Davis by Sawyer's door. "Anna, call 911. Get an ambulance. Then call Brooke."

Peyton went back to helping Lucas try to slow the bleeding as Anna protested. "But mom-"

She was cut off by Peyton screaming back at her. "Just do it, Anna! Now!"

Lucas and Peyton carried Sawyer into her bedroom, Lucas covering her with a robe before starting CPR, while Peyton held up her wrist, wrapping one of Sawyer's t-shirts around it and squeezing it tightly.

"Sawyer, come on, baby. Wake up. Just breathe, sweetie. Come on. Sweetheart, just open your eyes. Come on, baby, just wake up." Peyton whispered.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5…" Lucas counted to 15, breathing for Sawyer twice before repeating the cycle but receiving no response.

Anna was on the phone, angry that 911 even had a hold system. "Hi, yes, I, uh, we need an ambulance. No, um, it's my sister, she slit her wrist. I don't know. No, um, she's not breathing, and she-she's bleeding really bad. 1329 Moorland Drive. Anna Scott. Thank you. Please hurry." Anna hung up the phone, holding it close to her chest as she looked at her parents. "Ambulance is on it's way."

"Aunt Brooke now, babe."

Anna did as she was told, all of them relieved as sirens could be heard in the distance. "Aunt Brooke." Anna sobbed. "It's Sawyer. She, uh, she… can you come to the house? It's really bad… Thanks. I will. Love you too."

Anna hung up the phone, throwing it on her sister's bed, before bending down to pick up a petrified Davis whom immediately wrapped his arms and legs around her, burying himself in her side. "Aunt Brooke said she'd be here in 5." Anna told her parents.

"Good girl, Anna. Take Davy downstairs and wait for the ambulance." Lucas said, crying as he continued trying to resuscitate his daughter.

Anna did as she was told, leaving her devastated parents to work on Sawyer.

The paramedics arrived just as Anna and Davis reached the front porch. "I'm Jim. This is Bobby. Can you show us to the patient?" The paramedics followed the scared and crying siblings upstairs, rushing to Sawyer the minute her body came into view.

"Excuse us, ma'am." Peyton backed up, taking a hold of Sawyer's limp other hand.

"When did she lose consciousness?" Bobby asked, as he hooked Sawyer up to a portable vitals machine.

"I, uh, I don't know. She wasn't breathing when I found her." Peyton sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand.

Jim turned to Bobby. "Pulse is there, but faint. She's not breathing. BP's too low. Let's transport. We'll work on her in the bus."

The paramedics lifted Sawyer, one on each side as they carried her down the stairs and onto the already prepared stretcher. Sawyer's wrist was now wrapped in white gauze through the blood was still pouring through it which was both a good sign and a bad.

They lifted Sawyer into the ambulance, Jim climbing into the front to drive as Bobby turned to Peyton and Lucas whom had followed. "Who's riding?" He asked.

Lucas turned to Peyton, suggesting she go before Brooke's car sped to a stop out front. She climbed out, the key still in the ignition and the driver's door still open. She ran over to the group. "Peyton! What happened?"

"We need to move, people." Bobby said.

"Go." Brooke said. "Both of you. I'll meet you there with the kids."

Peyton nodded and Lucas pulled her into the ambulance with him. Bobby closed the doors and the group watched as the ambulance sped off, Brooke with her arms around Anna and Davis whom was now in her arms.

Brooke took Anna's hand and led the shaking girl to the car, placing Davis in the backseat before helping Anna into the front. Both were crying and Brooke ran her hand through her brown hair.

"Sweetheart, what happened?" Brooke asked gently, taking Anna's hands in her own and turning to smile at Davis. He didn't smile back, just continued looking out of the window, crying.

Anna's sobs made it hard for her to talk so Brooke just took her niece in her arms. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

Brooke pulled back and smiled wearily at Anna. "She's going to be okay. Let's go to the hospital."

Anna nodded and Brooke started the car, turning the wheel about to head off before Anna yelled. "Wait!" She jumped out of the car, leaving her door open and ran inside, up the stairs.

"Anna!" Brooke yelled after her but received no response.

Anna returned 30 seconds later, something in her hand, and closed the front door behind her. She climbed back into the car and buckled herself back up. "Her iPod. Sawyer doesn't go anywhere without it." She whispered.

Brooke nodded and smiled. "Let's go, huh?"

Anna nodded in response, taking a hold of Davy's hand behind her.

They arrived at the hospital in what seemed like record time and Brooke parked the car, lifting a now sleeping Davis into her arms and taking Anna by the hand.

They walked into the waiting room and immediately spotted Peyton in Lucas' arms, both crying. Anna ran to her parents and they engulfed her in a hug. Lucas let go and took Davis out of Brooke's arms as Haley and Rachel came running down the corridor.

Neither Peyton nor Lucas let go of their children or looked up to acknowledge the new arrivals.

"What's going on? Brooke called us. What happened?" Haley asked, standing over Peyton and Lucas as they sat back down with Anna and Davis in their laps. Both were crying hysterically and whispering things into their children's hair, kissing them repeatedly.

"Luke? Lucas?" Haley asked first, placing a hand on Lucas' shoulder. He sobbed harder as she did.

"Peyton?" Rachel asked.

"How's Sawyer?" Brooke asked after they didn't reply.

Peyton shook her head rapidly, crying harder and rocking back and forth.

Rachel ran a hand down Haley's arm and took Brooke's hand, leading her over to the front desk. "We're here for Sawyer Scott." She told the lady at the desk.

"I'm sorry. We can't disclose information to anyone who's not related. Are you family?"

Brooke spoke up. "Yes, we're her aunts. Can you tell us how she is?"

The lady looked down and shuffled through a pile of folders on her desk. She came across Sawyer's and looked it over. She frowned and looked up sympathetically at Brooke and Rachel. She paged a number, before looking up again. "I'll have a doctor come and talk to you if you'd like to have a seat in the waiting room."

"No, we need-"

"Thank you." Rachel cut Brooke off and guided her back into the waiting room. The doctor followed almost immediately. "Sawyer Scott?" She asked.

Peyton and Lucas stood up, Anna still in Peyton's arms and Davis still in Lucas'.

"My name is Dr. Caine. I was one of the doctors working on your daughter."

"How is she? Is she okay?" Haley asked.

"I'd like to talk somewhere privateer, if that's okay." Dr. Caine said.

"No. No. Just tell us here. Tell me how my daughter is." Lucas said, shaking his head.

Dr. Caine sighed. "Sawyer's wound was very deep and she lost a lot of blood. We lost her pulse while trying to repair the damage in surgery, and despite our best efforts, we were unable to revive her."

"No." Brooke whispered, shaking her head as her and the others began to cry harder. Anna turned in Peyton's arms, holding onto her mother tighter.

"We did everything we could, but I'm very sorry, Sawyer died."

"No. No. No, no, no, no!" Peyton screamed, dropping to her knees the minute Rachel pulled Anna from her arms. Brooke caught her just before she hit the floor, guiding Peyton so she was in her lap. Peyton was crying hysterically, holding as tight as she could onto Brooke's jacket; Brooke crying too, as she rocked the two of them back and forth.

Lucas was crying too, squeezing Davis hard against him, waking him up. "Daddy?" He asked, confused, making Lucas cry harder. Haley reached over and took Davis out of his arms, holding him to herself. Lucas dropped into the seats, putting his head in his hands as sobs rocked his body, the devastated family not knowing what to do.

_**Oh oh oh**_

_**Cuz all that you are**_

_**Is beautiful child**_

_**But they'll never know**_

_**They'll never know**_

Peyton Sawyer lay curled up in the fetal position, under the covers of her bed. She had hardly moved besides the occasional trips to the bathroom. Her eyes burned from the crying, but she had now run out of tears to shed. She hadn't eaten since Sawyer's death, three days before, and had only drunk water when Lucas or Brooke forced her.

Lucas had been strong, too strong it seemed. After that day, he hadn't cried, he hadn't shown any emotions. He had just continued with life, like everything was normal.

Anna had been staying at Rachel and Chase's house while Davis had stayed with Haley and Nathan, neither of the kids knowing what to say or how to act around their parents.

The funeral was today; Lucas had planned the entire thing, following Sawyer's exact requests in her letter.

He walked slowly into his and Peyton's bedroom, not surprised in the least to see Peyton curled up under the covers, the curtains drawn, the light off and Sawyer's iPod playing on repeat.

Lucas walked over to the bed and sat down beside Peyton, pulling back the covers to reveal her face as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. He smiled at her slightly as she opened her eyes, squinting at him. "Honey? You have to get up. We have to be at the church in an hour." He said as he continued to run his hand through her unwashed blonde hair.

Peyton shook her head, her chin shaking as she felt the tears over come her again. "No." She whimpered.

"Peyton."

"No." Peyton turned away from Lucas and tried to curl up tighter. "I won't go. I can't."

"Why not?" He asked softly, already knowing the answer but glad to finally get her talking.

"Because if I go then she'll really be gone." Peyton whispered so Lucas couldn't hear.

"What was that, honey?"

"Because if I go then she'll really be gone!" Peyton screamed at him, flinging the covers off herself and getting up off the bed. She turned to him, furious. "She's dead, Lucas. I can accept that. But if I go today then she'll be gone! And she won't be coming back." Peyton voice cracked on the last few words and she began crying again, raising her hands to cover her face.

Lucas was shocked at first but quickly rushed around to take Peyton in his arms, whispering quiet words to her to calm her down.

He pulled back after half an hour or so when the door bell rang. "That'll be Brooke." He whispered and Peyton nodded, wiping the tears from her face.

He took hold of her hand and led her down the stairs to greet Brooke whom had already let herself in. "Hi honey." Brooke said, taking Peyton in her arms. She smiled at Lucas. "Hi Luke."

"Hey Brooke." He put his hands in his pockets and looked at his wife and former girlfriend. It was obvious Brooke had been crying too, though she had made an effort to cover it. Brooke was dressed in a black dress, her own design, and her hair curled slightly but still loose down her back. She wore black pantyhose, black Manolo Blahnik heels and another of her own designs in the form of a black coat.

It was a strangely cold day for spring. The sun was hidden behind the clouds and it had rained the entire night before.

Brooke pulled back and looked at her friend. Peyton was a mess; she hadn't showered for days and she wore three-day old pajamas. Brooke smiled at her softly. "Let's go get ready, Peyt." She took Peyton's hand and led her up the stairs, leaving Lucas on his own.

They walked into Peyton and Lucas' room and Peyton sat on the bed while Brooke went over to a chair by her dressing table. She picked up a dress that was hanging over it and brought it over with her to sit besides Peyton. "This is what you're going to wear?" She asked quietly.

Peyton shrugged slightly. "I couldn't choose." She whispered. "Lucas picked for me. I didn't know what to wear. I mean, what do you wear to your sixteen year old daughter's funeral?" She bit her lip to stop her lip from shaking as she felt another wave of tears overcome her body.

Brooke immediately wrapped Peyton back into her arms as Peyton lost her composure for what seemed like the hundredth time that week.

After a while, Peyton pulled back, wiping her eyes. "Sorry." She whispered.

"It's okay to cry, Peyton." Brooke replied. "You don't need to be strong all the time."

Peyton ignored her, standing up. Her hands shook too much to control as she reached for her dress. Brooke covered her hands with her own and stood up. She helped Peyton out of her clothes and into her shower, neither feeling as awkward as they would have in any other situation.

After Peyton was showered and dry, Brooke helped her with her clothes. She helped Peyton put on her underwear and stockings before helping her into her dress, a simple black slip dress, and turning her around so she could zip her up. Brooke led Peyton out of the bathroom and sat her on the edge of the bed. Peyton didn't protest, in fact, she had gone completely silent, staring off into space.

Brooke went into Peyton's closet and took out a pair of black Versace heels, bringing them back to the bed and slipping Peyton's small feet into them.

Brooke turned on Peyton's curling iron, as she prepared and applied Peyton's make up. After curling Peyton's hair, Brooke pinned some of her blonde curls back, before helping her to stand. She moved in front of Peyton and took her hands, smiling at her slightly. "You look beautiful, P. Scott." She whispered, her voice cracking.

"Beautiful enough to bury my daughter?" Peyton scoffed, trying to laugh despite the situation. She began to cry again and covered her face with her hands. "I don't know how to do this, Brooke." She sobbed, her shoulders shaking furiously as Brooke raised her hand to cover her mouth, crying, her heart breaking.

Brooke walked forward and took Peyton in her arms once again. "Oh, Peyton." Brooke ran her hand up and down Peyton's back. "Shh… shhh… it's going to be okay… shh."

After ten minutes of crying Peyton and Brooke pulled apart as Lucas' voice drifted upstairs. "Peyton? Brooke? It's time to go."

"Coming." Brooke called back. She looked at Peyton. "You ready to go, babe?"

Peyton shook her head in response. "No. But let's go.

Brooke took a hold of Peyton's hand and guided the fragile woman down the stairs and into the black hearse waiting out front.

The drive to the church was shorter than usual, and no one said a word the entire way. Lucas helped Peyton out of the car and together they walked up the stairs, Lucas and Brooke practically carrying Peyton's weight.

"Mommy!" Davis called, running down the steps of the church and sprinting towards Peyton. Peyton let go of Lucas and Brooke and picked Davis up, hugging him close and kissing his cheek repeatedly.

"Hi baby." She whispered. "I missed you so much."

Davis pulled back so that he could look at her and smiled. "I missed you to, mommy. So did Anna but she told me not to tell you or daddy. And we missed daddy and Sawyer too. Can we come home soon, mommy?"

Peyton hugged him again. "You can come home whenever you want, Davy." Lucas answered for Peyton. "Mommy and I have missed you too."

"And Anna and Sawyer?"

Lucas nodded and Peyton didn't let go of her son as they walked up the stairs. "Always, Davy. Always." He whispered.

"Hi princess." Lucas said, hugging a nervous Anna to him.

"Hi daddy." She whispered in response, not letting go of Rachel's hand.

"How are you, honey?" Anna shrugged in response, backing away from her father and letting Rachel wrap her arms around her from behind.

Lucas looked at his daughter and couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked, even if she was dressed in all black. She wore a black and purple lace dress Brooke had made for her under Chase's suit jacket which he had clearly made her put on in the last few minutes, black patterned stockings and a pair of Rachel's black Jimmy Choo heels. Her long blonde hair was curled more than usual and was pinned back, some pieces hanging loosely around her face like her moms. Rachel had helped her with her make up, though not much could be seen under her sunglasses. She wore her diamond earrings and Lucas noticed Sawyer's favorite necklace hung around her neck. She clutched at it protectively when she noticed Lucas looking at it. "I hope you don't mind, daddy." She whispered, her chin was shaking as she was clearly trying not to cry.

He shook his head and smiled slightly. "Not at all, princess. I think it's a good idea for you to have her close to you today."

Anna tried to smile in response but it came out as more of a frown as her dad walked by her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She saw Peyton looking at her and slowly turned her head to meet her eyes. Anna noticed everyone was drifting inside behind them, Haley, Nathan, Chase, Julian and Lucas had taken the younger kids inside; Sam and Jamie hung around the front doors of the church with their partners, Heather, Chloe and Lucy were waiting off to the side, standing nervously as they waited for her to join them. Rachel stood behind her, Haley and Brooke beside Peyton. "Hi mom." Anna whispered.

"Hi baby." Peyton whispered back, slowly taking Anna into her arms. She kissed the top of Anna's head. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah." Anna replied softly. "Are you?"

Peyton pulled back and forced a small smile to reassure her daughter. "Let's go inside, huh? She whispered, ignoring the question, her voice cracking.

Anna nodded and went back to Rachel, letting her aunt wrap an arm around her. They walked up the wet steps and Anna turned her head around, looking as Peyton struggled behind them, despite being held by both Brooke and Haley.

The ceremony went faster than expected. Lucas, Brooke and Anna had spoken, though all three had been unable to finish their speeches, breaking down in tears. Peyton didn't cry the entire way through. She blocked it out, starring past the coffin and to a spot on the wall. The others noticed, but no one wanted to break Peyton of her trance, figuring it was better than fully acknowledging your daughter's death.

Peyton now stood beside Lucas and Anna, Davis in Lucas' arms and her own arm around Anna. She hadn't noticed how she got here, nor did she know how much she had missed out on, but she truthfully didn't care.

The minister stood at the head of the black coffin, in front of the flowers and pictures of a smiling Sawyer throughout her life. He was saying something but Peyton wasn't listening. She just stared at the coffin, not fully grasping the fact that her daughter was in there, and that she wasn't coming back. She could hear Sawyer's favorite song playing softly, Wake Up by Arcade Fire, and she found herself glad Lucas had followed Sawyer's requests. She couldn't imagine saying goodbye to Sawyer with one of those sappy, common funeral songs.

"…It is in times like these, that we must look around us for support, and remember the good times we celebrated with Sawyer throughout her life… So we say goodbye to you for now, Sawyer Brooke Scott, and hope for the days, weeks and years to come that we will see you again one day. From ashes to ashes and dust to dust."

Peyton stepped forward, tears dropping off of her chin as she dropped a single white rose onto the lowering coffin. "I love you, baby girl. Always and forever." She whispered.

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**A/N: Okay, very long one-shot. This was the first fanfic I ever wrote based on some experiences in my life except it used to be a Charmed fanfic. Obviously, though, I changed some things, for instance Sawyer's attempt being successful seeing as I wouldn't be posting this if mine had been! Please let me know what you think :)**


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